Tuesday, 19 November 2013


Somewhere in March last year, for the first time i experienced blurring of vision when i was driving home at night, with my glasses on. I drove home in a cold sweat. Went straight to ophthalmologist the next day, done Optical Coherence Tomography Scan and tested my eyes power, doctor said I needed to change my glasses, and avoid wearing contact lenses because I have dry eyes. He also said that I have light glaucoma. I went on with blurred vision for like 3 to 4 days and it got better gradually. I took it for granted, a week later after the incident, I put on my contact lenses again, which I got it very cheap online, unknown brand. 

This year the same thing happened again in June, and getting more often, like every week or every time I go to bright places.It is hard to explain how i felt and what i was experiencing,i have taken the photo below to show how the images are when my vision goes blurred.

Clear vision

Blur vision

I am going to have a long drive back to Kelantan and then to Kuantan on the same day, so i decided to seek for second opinion on my eyes condition (for the safety of my daughter and myself). What the ophthalmologist told me left me totally flabbergasted. He told me that i have a condition called keratoconus (Keratoconus is an eye disease that affects the structure of the cornea). On the same day, i consulted another ophthalmologist who specialised in cornea. I will never forget how he shook his head knowing I have been using contact lenses more than 8 hours a day,7 days a week for the past 10 years.  He needed me to stop using contact lenses for a while before he can confirm on the diagnosis as I have been wearing contact lenses" too aggressively" , that was what he said. He asked me how long i can go without contact lenses, in my heart i whispered " till the day i die" , but i told him " as long as you want me to" . Even though i was trained in assisting eyes surgeries , knowing there are treatments for keratoconus, but the fear of getting blind never leave my mind. I hope it is just the contact lenses that causing the rough surface on my cornea, not any other serious problem.

Friends advised me not to sacrifice my eyes because of beauty. It was not totally about beauty, big part of it is because contact lenses are so convenient, especially during work. I started using it "aggressively" during my nursing days, can you imagine that your glasses start sliding down when you doing CPR? or when you are assisting in a surgery, all scrub up....
Undeniably, i am using the black colored lenses to make my eyes look bigger, brighter...and prettier ( that's how i feel). Like the traditional proverb says " The eyes are the window of the soul", eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the hearts.So, i want it too look "delightful" always. But now that my vision is blurred the matter becomes clearer in my mind that " beauty
is how you feel inside,and  it reflects in your eyes, it is not something physical." quoted from 
Sophia Loren.

I wrote something about death in my previous post titled " The Bucket List". For now, i am sure
that death is not as scary as going blind. Gone through a few surgeries myself, none so
 frightening than not able to see what is in front of you. 

"The eyes like sentinel occupy the higest place in the body"
- Marcus Tullius Cicero

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